Land of Epic Derp

I'm DeAnna, a.k.a. D.J. Evans. I write stories, draw manga, and other stuff XD

Soul Eater Fanfiction (D.J., Crona and Excalibur)

This is a random chapter of the Soul Eater fanfiction I'm writing. I'm using my own character, D.J., whom I showed you in my Daily Blog #8: Asymmetry. ^.^ So, read if you want. ^u^
(Note: I don't remember whether or not Crona met Excalibur in the episode where Excalibur went to the DWMA. If he did, I'll have to fix that. Here, Crona's never heard of Excalibur. :P
I also probably haven't completely finished messing with it yet. XD)

D.J. was in the library of the DWMA, looking at the hundreds, maybe thousands of books. One book in particular caught her attention. She pulled it off of the shelf and stared at the cover. The light yellow book had a single word written on the front: EXCALIBUR.
   She flipped it open. It told of a Holy Sword, Excalibur, and how the chosen one who wielded it would be a true hero.
   D.J. checked it out of the library. She went into the main hall of the DWMA, where most of her friends were.
   “Hey, D.J.,” said Maka.
   “Hi.” D.J. smiled. She looked at the book in her hands, and then held it up. “Does anyone know anything about this?”
   Everyone in the group made terrible faces. “Yes…”
   D.J. stared at them oddly, and then dismissed the reaction. “I read through it a bit. I want to go see it for myself.”
   “Oh, no.”
   D.J. grinned, again ignoring the reaction. “I want someone to go with me though.”
   The group’s eyes widened.
   D.J. looked around. “Kid?”
   “I’d rather not, thank you.”
   “No, thanks.”
   “Black Star?”
   “No way!!!”
   D.J. looked at them sadly. She couldn’t force anyone to go, but she truly didn’t want to leave without a meister with her.
   Suddenly D.J.’s face brightened. “Crona!”
   Crona had been standing several feet away from the group, in a slumped position, holding his arm close to his side with his other hand. He looked at D.J., surprised. “Huh?! G-g-go where?”
   “To the fountain at the top of the cliff,” replied D.J. enthusiastically, holding up the book, “to see the Holy Sword Excalibur!”
   “I-I-I… But…”
   “Great! Let’s go!” D.J. grabbed Crona’s arm excitedly and dragged him off at light speed.
   Maka sighed. “D.J.’s… a bit insane.”
   "Yeah, a special kind of insane," added Tsubaki.

   D.J. walked through the valley, following the directions provided by the book. Crona followed a few feet behind her reluctantly.
   “W-what are we doing?” he asked uncertainly.
   “I’m just curious what Excalibur’s like. He must be pretty awesome.” D.J. smiled. “Plus I was bored.”
   Eventually they came to the mountain they had been heading for. It was a tall, rocky cliff. They stood next to a waterfall crashing down from it and looked up.
   “Hmmm…” D.J. knew that she had absolutely no skill in climbing things. “Well, come on.”

   Four hours later, they reached the top of the cliff. D.J. didn’t know exactly how many times she had slipped, fallen, and tumbled down, and hadn’t cared to count. At any rate, they at last set foot at the peak, bruised and battered.
   “Ah… We’re… We’re here,” said D.J., panting and leaning against a stone wall. “At least you didn’t fall too much.” She gave Crona her inexhaustible grin.
   “Yeah, but… The only times I fell were when you brought me down with you…”
   D.J. looked into the mouth of a cave. This was it, Excalibur’s fountain; the floor was covered in a river of water that came out of the cave and poured down the side of the cliff, forming the waterfall they had seen earlier.
   D.J. smiled and grabbed Crona’s hand. “Come on.”
   They stepped into the cool water in the bottom of the cave. They were wading through it, into the darkness, when a small, glowing fairy floated up to them, smiling pleasantly. “Hello, can I help you?”
   Crona’s eyes widened. “W-what’s that?”
   D.J. ignored him. She told the small sprite, “We’re here to see the Holy Sword, Excalibur.”
   The fairy made a terrible face, the same one that Maka, Black Star and Kid had made earlier. She flew away quickly without a word.
   D.J. looked to where the fairy had disappeared. She shrugged, and walked deeper into the tunnel, dragging Crona behind her.
   Suddenly D.J. saw a room ahead of them; a bright, circular area in the rock. A single stone platform rose from the middle of the room, surrounded by the water they walked in. A shaft of sunlight poked through from the cave ceiling high overhead, casting its bright light on a beautiful, golden-hilted sword that was stuck upright in the middle of the platform.
   “The Holy Sword!” D.J.’s face lit up enthusiastically. She pulled the reluctant Crona behind her as she ran up the stairs toward the sword. She tripped on the last step, falling flat on her face and bringing Crona down with her.
   D.J. picked herself up off the ground, never discouraged. She walked to the other side of the sword, looking it up and down, her eyes glowing. Crona got up and stared at the sword uncertainly.
   D.J. placed her hand on the sword, motioning for Crona to do the same. “Let’s pull it together,” she said, excitedly.
   Crona was reluctant as always, but D.J. took his hand and placed it on the sword’s hilt next to her own hand. “Come on, we can do it,” she said.
   “Ok,” said D.J., “we’ll see if we can pull it, in… one… two… THREE!”
   D.J. pulled her arm upwards, and to her and Crona’s surprise, the sword slid out of the platform smoothly, with a deep echoing sound.
   “Huh?” In truth, D.J. hadn’t expected the Holy Sword to release itself unto them.
   They stood there for a minute or so, in the silence.
   A blinding, golden light shone from the sword, dazzling D.J.’s eyes as beams of light came from the sword, shining in all directions. Crona’s entire body shook with fear.
   The sword transformed, leaving D.J.’s and Crona’s hands. It set itself on the ground between them, and suddenly the light cleared, leaving glittering sparkles in the air around them, and D.J. could now see the sword’s living form.
   It looked like something that would happen if you crossed a rabbit with a duck. It had large, staring eyes, a long, thin snout, a cane and a foot-long top hat. It and its cane, hat and shirt were white. “No autographs!” it said, with a deep, powerful voice.
   Crona shook, not knowing what to do. D.J. stared at the Holy Sword’s form.
   “It’s so…” D.J. bent down, closer to Excalibur. “…adorable!” Her face lit up.
   “Of course I am. But do not take that to mean that I am unable to be as great as they say. My legend dates back to the twelfth century, you know. Would you like to hear it?”
   “Sure.” D.J. smiled.
   “Of course you would. My legend started in the twelfth century. I begin my mornings with a cup of coffee with cream, my afternoons with a cup of tea with two lumps of sugar and in the evening I change into my pajamas.”
   “Go on.”
   Excalibur threw his cane over his shoulder and walked in place for a moment. He stopped. “Do you know why my mornings must always start with a cup of coffee with cream?”
   “Because coffee wakes you up in the morning?” D.J. tried.
   “Fool!” cried Excalibur, sticking the cane in front of D.J.’s face. Crona startled and yelled.
   “In order for you to understand,” Excalibur continued, “you must hear my legend, filled with great and heroic deeds.”
   “Ok…” replied D.J., now a bit uncertain of the Holy Sword.
   “Now…” Excalibur began, pulling his cane in front of him, standing straight. “As I was saying, my mornings begin with a cup of tea with two lumps of sugar, my afternoons begin with a cup of coffee with cream, and in the evening I change into my pajamas. This is because, on one beautiful spring morning on a pleasant Wednesday or Thursday… or was it Friday. No, Monday sounds just about right. Yes, certainly. It was just that, a relaxing Saturday afternoon in the summertime. I was sitting on my porch, drinking my cup of tea with two lumps of sugar, looking out at the beautiful autumn leaves on that pleasant Sunday, when I said to myself, “Nothing beats a cup of tea in the morning,” and thus I began all of my mornings with a cup of coffee with cream!”
   “D-D-D.J.?” Crona whispered. “This guy’s freaking me out… He’s not making any sense…”
   “Fool!” Excalibur pointed his cane in Crona’s face. Crona yelled in surprise. “What I’m saying makes perfect sense if you would listen!” said Excalibur.
   “I-I’ve never been called a fool before… I don’t know if I can deal with that…”
   “D-D.J.? I don’t like this guy… He’s being mean and I don’t like it…”
   “Excalibur?” D.J. interrupted.
   “Yes, young lady?” Excalibur pulled the cane back and stood straight.
   “What heroic deeds did you do in the twelfth century?” asked D.J., still curious.
   “Ah, yes. I was just getting to that.” He stood still as a statue for a moment, suddenly twirled, and stopped. He looked up at D.J. “Do you know what my hat is made of?”
   “The fabric of the universe?”
   “Fool!” He waved his cane in D.J.’s face as he spoke. “It is made of the nothing less than the finest of sushi rolls.”
   He waved his cane in D.J.’s face once more, and suddenly a stack of papers fell down from above and into her hands.
   “Huh? What’s this?”
   “This is a list of 1,000 provisions. I require that you read through it before we continue.”
   “Oh… Um, alright…” D.J. read through several provisions. Crona read it over her shoulder. “This doesn’t make much sense,” said D.J.
   “Fool! It makes perfect sense.”
   D.J. and Crona read for another moment. Excalibur told them, “I will absolutely need you to participate in #452, the Five-Hour Story-Telling Party.”
   “And do remember to celebrate my birthday every day. As provision #75 says, you must do so in a grand style.”
   Excalibur let them read for a moment longer, tapping his foot rapidly. Finally he spoke. “Very well then. I feel we must celebrate your acceptance of the 1,000 provisions with a song.”
   D.J. looked up. “Hm?”
   “Listen carefully.”
   The Holy Sword started dancing, using his cane, twirling and hopping. He began to sing:

I’m from the United K,
I’m looking for him,
I’m going to Californiaaa

   He stopped in a pose and stood statue still. D.J. and Crona stared at him, their eyes wide.
   Suddenly he started dancing again, his song in a slightly higher key.

I’m from the United K,
I’m looking for him,
I’m going to Californiaaa


   D.J. knelt down, her face closer to Excalibur. She studied his blank, non-blinking eyes carefully. “Hey, I went to California once.”
   “Do tell me about it.”
   “Well, it’s—“
   “LATER!” He stuck the cane in D.J.’s face.
   Excalibur looked to Crona. “Young one!”
   Crona startled. “H-huh?”
   “What is your favorite number between one and twelve?”
   “Um…” Crona looked uncertain. “I’ve never had to pick a number before… Uh… F-four? I guess?”
   “What right have you to pick a number? My legend dates back to the twelfth century, you know!”
  D.J. gripped the cane and tugged it out of Excalibur’s grasp. She held it out of his reach.
   “Fool! That is why my flower gardens must be blue!” Excalibur stood up straight, in a noble position.
   “You make even less sense than I do,” remarked D.J. She dropped the cane on the ground and turned to leave.
   “Just a moment!”
   D.J. looked behind her shoulder.
   Excalibur stood for a moment, unmoving, unblinking.
   “Yes?” D.J. tried.
   Excalibur didn’t speak.
   D.J. bent down closer to him.
   “All you must do to take my power into your hands is follow the 1,000 provisions,” said the Holy Sword.
   “That’s it?”
   “Well… Maybe…”
   Excalibur began to shine with a golden light, transforming back into his sword form. A strong wind blew around the room, making the papers of the 1,000 provisions fly everywhere. The Holy Sword began to float in the air, back into the hands of D.J. and Crona. They both stared, eyes wide, D.J.’s in amazement and Crona’s in uncertainty.
   The golden light filled the room. “For Victory and Glory!”
   The light stopped, and together, D.J. and Crona shoved the Holy Sword back into the stone platform.
   “Hm? Wait, what are you doing?”
   D.J. laughed. “I’m not even a meister, and I think Crona’s got his hands full already. Besides…” She turned, grabbed Crona’s hand to leave, and looked over her shoulder for a last word to Excalibur.
   “You’re just weird. Bye!”
   “Wait! Where are you going? You cannot just leave me here! What about victory and glory? Do you not want my aid in battle? Do you not want to hear my legend, filled with heroic deeds? My legend dates back to the twelfth century, you know! Fools!”
   But D.J. and Crona had already walked out of the small room in the cave, out into the evening.

Thank you Mario, but the princess is in another castle!